richardbrianpenn.com

Since my blog I did about “Why Arthur Kade Isn’t Getting Laid” (read here http://www.richardbrianpenn.com/?p=665) was widely read last week, I decided to do another installment breaking down yet another blog of his called, “Electricity” which he published on  June 12, 2009.  If you don’t know who he is by now, check out his blog http://arthurkade.com/ .  He’s been a past guest on my show http://www.richardbrianpenn.com/?s=arthur+kade&paged=2 and is best known for writing in third person and allowing people to hate on him  in the comments section (which I applaud him for).

So let’s break this down.  Arthur’s words are in italics. My response is in bold. You can read his full article here http://arthurkade.com/2009/06/12/electricity/. My responses are almost as ridiculous as his.  I’ll try to be “AMAZING”

I remember watching Madonna’s “Truth or Dare”, and thinking what an amazing feeling it must be to have fifty thousand fans in a building who worship you and have paid money just to see you, and that are in awe of you. See my my blog posted yesterday, entitled  “Are Narcissists addicted to being famous?” Usually these dreams subside by your teen years. (note to find out if you are a narcissist you can take the test (http://bit.ly/DLtbL) Last night was my first public appearance since the mainstream media explosion of “The Journey”, and now I know what that feeling feels like, because as one friend said to me, “It was like they were waiting for Cold Play to come out, everyone was talking about you, what you were going to look like, wear, how you would walk, it was crazy.” I personally dropped by Public House later and I heard people referring using this same line, but substituting Cold Play with the Beatles, Elvis, and Mahatma Gandhi. I smiled and said back, “I am going to put Philly back on the map, and make it relevant again.” Yes, Arthur Kade will make Philly relevant the way the tv reality show, “Parking Wars” has made Philly relevant, a place where people are scared to visit.  When I was in the dressing room before the show, you could feel the electricity and anticipation in the air of Arthur Kade hitting the runway, and I couldn’t stop dancing around because all I kept thinking was “This is my Life, I want to freeze time right now!” Sources tell me that Arthur had on his ipod and was listening to Tony Robbins, “Unstoppable Confidence.” I was told there was a huge line to get in, the tension was palpable, media was everywhere, and people were waiting on pins and needles like an old Mike Tyson fight, and of course I did it up “Kade Style”. Imaginary sources tell me that Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Wolf Blitzer, Jon Stewart, and Anderson Cooper all had to wait in line to get into Public House to cover “Kade Style”.  However, Chris Berman of ESPN did not, since he personally knows Mike Tyson.

 The show was incredible, every time I came out the cameras went nuts, and I could hear everyone screaming my name, and cheering for me (For all the people who speculated I would get booed, I was told it didn’t really happen). How does a camera go nuts? Do they literally turn into almonds and cashews or do they start shaking like a Polaroid? I wasn’t at the fashion show part.  I’ll admit, I was at the gym getting my fat ass into shape, so I missed Arthur turning his little tushy on the catwalk.  On the catwalk yeah…okay I digress and this is not a Right Said Fred song. I walked all the models through how to walk a runway ‘New York Style”, pre-show, and helped coordinate the timing for all of them. Kinda like going to one of those pizza parlors in Iowa that serve New York Style Pizza.  Mmmmmmmmmmmm…. It was great to lead such a great bunch of people, I could tell they all looked up to my experience in the modeling industry and wanted to accept the knowledge I was giving. Or sometimes it’s just easier to adhere to the principle of, “in one ear and out the other.” After the show was done, we all congratulated ourselves, and then went out into the A List crowd to mingle, and overall the show was about as high level and glamorous as Young Philly gets.  After my multi-level marketing meeting last week we all told ourselves how we were the best in the world and patted ourselves on the back.  The A List crowd of the 30 K millis (see http://thedirty.com/ for a definition of a 30 K milli). It wasn’t A-List though

When I came out after the show, I was constantly bombarded with fans telling me what an amazing job I did, I’m laughing right now and that all everyone was talking about in the crowd was me and my hair (Which was very curly and cool). Real interpretation – My hair is very Cosmo Krameresque I was running around saying hello to everyone, trying to find my friends, Real interpretation – the friends should have been waiting for me like the good little fans that they are taking fan pictures, Real Interpretation – I told them to take pictures so I could throw them up on my blog and getting hit on by random 6’s and 7’s who thought that somehow they could talk to me How dare a 6 or 7 even bother talking to Arthur? They should know better and talk to homeless people, lepers, and midgets.  You know stick with their own kind. (There was one girl who I told was a 7, who was really a 6, that would NOT leave me alone while I was talking to someone, Real Interpretation – One of my straight friends told me that there was a bangable girl who they wanted to introduce me to because I’m too scared to approach girls myself.  Celebrities don’t have to approach girls. and even went as far as touching me,  good touch or bad touch? and I told her “I don’t like being touched, don’t EVER touch me” and ridiculed her looks to get her away). This made me feel like the man.  People again will question whether he likes guys or girls? I personally could care less.  If another girl comes up to me and asks me to rate them or tell them what they should do to make themselves hotter, I may explode  Real Interpretation - I will Jizz in my pants with glee for  the fact that someone cares what I think of them and that I’m getting some attention. or start charging them, because almost any girl will cry if I tell them their score (Even though they all say they won’t), Real Interpretation – And then they will be bitter bitches and rate me back as a 2 or 3 to spite my Roman nose and chiseled physique and in that environment where charity is involved, I didn’t want any bad feelings. Kade stands for Caring (for himself)  If you are a 9 or 10, then trust me, I will let you know it, Real Interpretation - I will ask you if you want to pose for pictures and go shopping with me.  Or I will have one of my friends walk over to you and say, “Psssstttt…my friend over there, do you know who he is?” otherwise if you ask me then be ready because I am going to be honest, Real Interpretation - I am going to tell you that I could not be seen at G Lounge with you even on a really bad hair day although certain hot girls are now scared to hang out with me because of the rating scale and the blog. Or they don’t want to be ridiculed by the blog commentors or are afraid of being associated with you.  It goes with the territory.  You’ve gotta step on an “AMAZING” amount of people while climbing your way to the TOP.

Walking through Public House, I looked around, and realized, I have achieved “Rock star” status now, perhaps Arthur is ready to get out his banjo and play at the Khyber. Next time he’s at P-House, I can hear it now, “There goes Bono” or “There goes Crusty the Clown” and have to always have my guard up. That’s because he’s personally pissed off a few nut jobs who want to kill him (FYI – I think those people who want to physically harm someone for a parody of a blog should be locked up themselves). Everyone analyzes every aspect of me, my looks, That’s because Arthur seems to rate any girl that enters his life.  Deal with it. If you dish, you’re going to get it back. which girls I talk to, people are wondering if these girls are laughing at Arthur or are his beards. where I am going, a few delusional girls, you know the 3’s, 4’s, and 5’s thinking they can actually get some Kade and most of all, what I am wearing, Arthur we all know you intentionally wear ridiculous clothes to “Peacock” (to see more on this subject – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_3f8_a0bZE).  They also want to know if you’re going to wear that pink t-shirt that you seem to wear all the time. and it made me think of my friend who I had lunch with at DiBrunos this week who said, “Everyone does double takes or stares at you, yes, if you dress like a clown you’re going to be stared at.  I’m not going to make fun of Arthur here.  I’ve done it myself.  I was watching during lunch and you’re right”, and I responded “I am still getting used to this, but it’s cool isn’t it?” Real Interpretation – I can’t believe I’m starting to achieve real life Derek Zoolander status.

RBP’s Note - Was I mean? Yeah, maybe a little. I’ve been pretty neutral up until this point, but when you start publicly calling out women because you don’t feel they’re worthy enough to treat them like a human being, then you’re just inviting trouble.  I’m not even sure if half this shit is true anymore.  “AMAZING” actors that Arthur admires, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, George Clooney; their target audience are women in their mid 30’s to early 50’s.  They always kiss ass to these women in public.  We all know that Clooney bangs hot 21 year old waitresses in his personal life, but he’s nice to everyone.  I do understand that if Arthur wants to continue to have a highly trafficked blog site, he needs to be meaner, more obnoxious, and must top the ridiculous post from the day before.  However, if he’s actually interested in an acting career, doing extra work, hanging out at social events in Philly, and assaulting the majority of the female gender won’t get him very far other than a very popular blog, possibly a part on a reality tv show, or a book deal.  Not horrible things, but that doesn’t seem to be what he’s trying to achieve.

richardbrianpenn RBP's Thoughts