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By James S. Fell (he’s a recent guest on our radio show and this article is used with his permission.  You can find out more http://www.bodyforwife.com/

I just recently learned that PUA stands for Pick Up Artist. Truth be told, I don’t know the square root of bugger all about picking up strange women in a bar or any other place. The last time I asked a woman out was almost 20 years ago, and I married her.

We’ve got two young kids, we both work full time, we have the usual family commitments, and we don’t have a housekeeper. In other words, we’re busy as hell, just like most other families. Unlike most other married couples, however, my wife and I have lots of sex.

It’s not because I married an ex-porn star nympho who can’t stand not doing it all the time. It’s because I know what I’m doing. I’m not talking about being some master between the sheets, I’m talking about knowing what it takes to have your wife want to jump between those sheets with you again and again.

I’ve read some articles by notable PUAs with interest, and occasionally wish that I’d known some of that stuff 20 years ago as it likely would have led to more notches in my belt, but considering how things worked out I’m not going to complain. Honestly, there are some similarities between what the experts report as the best ways to score in a bar compared to scoring with your wife. Allow me to elaborate:

Stop being so fat
Okay, I know this isn’t fair, but just go take a look at www.bodyforwife.com and you’ll see one of the reasons why my wife wants to jump my bones all the time. If you can’t find your dick, then how can you expect your wife to?

You don’t have to look like a fitness model, but getting in shape does a number of great things for your relationship:
• She doesn’t worry about your health. Many women are worriers, which creates stress, which does not lead to sex. If you’re healthy, then she’s less stressed
• It boosts your libido, enhances sexual performance, and gives you harder erections. When you are in great shape your wife gets these vibes from you that you are some kind of insatiable sex machine. It makes her want you more.
• It makes you look better. This one is kind of a no brainer.
• It makes you more manly. Women are attracted to real men. Some blob who sits on the couch doesn’t get her cranked up. A tough guy who can lift heavy things, run fast, kick ass in some sport etc. is seen as appealing.

Let her sleep
This one is really important, because tired women don’t want sex. The good news is if you’re in good shape then you likely won’t need as much sleep anymore. On the weekends, try getting up with the kids and letting her sleep in. If she’s well rested she’s going to feel a lot sexier.

That being said, consider not waiting until the kids are in bed to make a move. If you’ve got young ones then never underestimate the power of a good bribe to get them to look after themselves while you go bang Mommy’s brains out. Set them up with a movie, some junk food, and even pay them cash to get them to be good and not come upstairs unless the house is on fire or someone is choking on a Tonka toy. You can also send them to their friend’s house and make them someone else’s problem for a while, but don’t forget to return the favor.

Use your male-brained strategic planning skills to figure this all out and make it happen. Ease your wife’s fears about being walked in on by putting a lock on your bedroom door.

Be a man
Women love a real man, and they aren’t attracted to a whiney child, so just suck it up already. Do you really need to bitch about your job / boss / traffic / Derek in finance / your ingrown toenail / the neighbors / the neighbor’s stupid dog etc?

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t communicate with her, but when you constantly bitch about stuff it makes it seem like you aren’t in control, and women like to feel protected. Handle life with a minimum of bitching and you’ll put off a powerful vibe of a man who has hit shit together and is in control of his life. This is a man who women find sexually attractive. Evolution programmed women to be this way. They wanted the tough guys who clubbed the shit out of saber-toothed tigers so the family could eat meat, not the whiners who were too spastic to even spear a squirrel for dinner. Think Harrison Ford, not Woody Allen.

Let it go
When you win an argument with your wife, you still don’t really win. Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy? This does NOT mean being a doormat. You don’t have to bow down, hand her your balls, and say “Yes, dear” all the time, but you don’t have to be the undisputed victor in an argument. Keep your cool, try to find out what’s bothering her, talk to her about things, and if it gets out of hand then consider just taking a step back and saying you’ll figure it out later when you’ve had a chance to think about things.

Be a good dad
Women are attracted to men who are good providers for them and their offspring, and this doesn’t just mean money. They want a guy who is going to look after them and not just ditch them with the kids. When she sees that you are good at not yelling, at fixing problems, helping with homework, playing and snuggling and all that other fatherly stuff, this is a major turn on for her.

Make it about her
When making your move, don’t send out some kind of communication about it being that you need sex, but instead let her know that it is because you want her; it’s because she drives you wild with desire. The last thing she wants to feel like is the vehicle for your sexual release – like anything with a vagina would do. She has to feel sexy and desired by you.

Don’t pout
If she doesn’t want to, then pouting is definitely not sexy. She has to know that saying “no” is an option that doesn’t lead to negative consequences. Show her that you love her anyway. Snuggle her for a while and whisper that you’ll get her next time, and next time will be much more likely to happen.

Help her out
A little bit of housework isn’t going to kill you. Also, show appreciation for all the stuff that she does. Every woman wants to feel appreciated.

Tell her you love her
About ten times a day should do it.

Be patient
If you aren’t getting laid much now, then doing all of the above isn’t going to instantly transform your wife’s desire for you. Commit to the long term and things will work out.

 
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
James S. Fell, MA, MBA, is the author of Body for Wife: The Family Guy’s Guide to Getting in Shape. He gives free, politically incorrect fitness advice at www.bodyforwife.com.

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