richardbrianpenn.com

Well, it’s that time of the year again.  Every January many people are making promises to themselves about what they plan to accomplish this year.  The vast majority of people fail miserably.  In fact, many people I know don’t even make resolutions anymore because they’ve simply given up.  I consider this daunting task, similar to that of strategic planning by any Fortune 500 company.  However, in this case, you are the company.

It’s always good to have goals.  It helps keep you on track in life.  Having said that; I feel as though my goals in life have become more realistic with every passing year.  Just 21 years ago, one of my goals was to own an NFL team.  Now, outside of inheriting a billion dollars, it’s not going to happen.

I’m thinking that maybe we should just call these goals rather than resolutions. Of course, there are always a few that I must to leave off the blog because they’re just too deeply personal to share with the world. I pretty much let it all out there.  This year I only kept 3 of these goals to myself. A man has to have some secrets.

Looking back at 2010 Goals

First, we’ll review my goals as published on January 7, 2010 and review my successes and failures.   You might notice that some of these goals changed as the year went along. The answers are in red.

Easy Resolutions

1. Blog 1-2 times a month.  If I’m lax one month, I might have to write 3 or 4 in the following month.  -  Blogged 9 times.  Fail.
2. continue with Yoga and start up with pilates (I just have to show up) – I was a yoga warrior this year.  Never went to pilates, but decided against it – PASS
3. Have one of my current business websites revamped and overhauled.  This just requires a lot of work, but easily done. – PASS
4. Make more money through my regular business ventures.  Another cakewalk since I’m not devoting over 20 hours a week to my radio show anymore. – PASS
5. Have my business records up to date.  I’m usually lax in this department, but I’ve hired a new book keeper to keep me in line.  – PASS
6. workout 5-6 days a week (Just do it!) – PASS

 Medium Resolutions

1. put out a new information internet product (this is TOP SECRET) Decided against
2. Continue with the quitting of smoking cigarettes.  I haven’t bought a pack since the beginning of December and I’m almost at the point of zero cigarettes.  I just have to desire to not want to pick up a cigarette and smoke it.  – FAIL – cut down to about 1 pack a month.  I’m not even going to make this a 2011 resolution.
3. Continue with finding happiness in my life and having better relationships with family and friends.  This is something that needs to be constantly worked on to maintain, but it’s really not too difficult.  However, this is listed in the medium category because it requires a lot of work.  Neutral – An ongoing process
4. Try standup comedy and enroll in improv classes.  Not too hard, but very scary standing up in front of a room trying to make people laugh.  Taking improv classes is a just a function of enrolling and showing up.  - Decided against

Difficult Resolutions

1. finish novel FAIL
2. Get ripped in the single digits for body fat.  Do you know how difficult this task is when you love food and go out all the time? FAIL – although I did drop 15 lbs in 2010

Total Pass  -  5

Total Fail – 4

Total Incomplete (these were things I decided against or was neutral – pilates doesn’t factor into this equation) 3

Overall – just about what I expected out of myself

2011 New Year’s Resolutions

(These are broken down into 3 categories based on how easy or hard I believe it will be to achieve these goals)

Easy Resolutions

1. blog 1-2 times a month.  If I don’t blog, I won’t beat myself up over it, but the overall goal is to have 12-24 articles in 2011.
2. continue yoga 2-5 times a week
3. Have my business records up to date (this is an annual goal since I hate keeping records)
4. workout 5-6 days a week (Just do it!)

Medium Resolutions

1. complete 3 cycles of P90X (I just have to do it – easier said than done since I hate lifting weights). 
2. have more fun in my life and less work (I’m a workaholic)
3. Become more charismatic – i.e. channeling – Robert Downey Jr in Iron Man and Vince Vaughn in pretty much every movie you’ve ever seen him in.  My personality is actually naturally leaning towards these two types.  In the past few years though, I think I’ve become a bit more reclusive. (something that I need to constantly work on)
4. continue on a path to happiness, spirituality, work on achieving better relationships with friends and family. (something that I need to constantly work on)

 Difficult Resolutions

1. finish novel 
2.  Drop weight down to 155-165 (I’m starting the year of 2011 at 184 lbs) – goal is to be able to dress up as Don Draper for Halloween 2011
3. Become a more successful stock trader (my portfolio was up 10% last year).  Goal is to be up 20-30% this year with more disciplined trading (some of this will have to do with luck, timing, and the economy).

Achieving Your Goals

(below is a repeat of last year minus the smoking.  To quit smoking, one must want to quit.  It’s not as hard as it sounds)

As the years have gone by, I’ve made my resolutions much easier and realistic to accomplish.  I usually hit 50-70% of my goals/resolutions during the year. 

As I’ve stated previously, I usually make a short list of 3 month goals.  I’ll set 3-5 tasks that I want to accomplish.  I also try to look at my yearly list at least once a month and the 3 month list once a week.

I’d love to hear your list of New Year’s resolutions. I wish everyone health and happiness in this upcoming year.

If I were John Mayer, I’d write a song.  Instead, I write this blog. I’ve been MIA from the public writing world; lost at sea in a volatile personal relationship.  Today, I break my cardinal rule about not writing about anyone that I’ve dated.  However, I write this with only the best intentions and not to tarnish the psyche of this extraordinary woman.

Our relationship was brief.  We dated for only two months.  We’ll call her X to keep her anonymity. She is one of the rare few who possess both brains and beauty. 

The Beginning

The first date was on a cool, crisp fall night; the kind of evening where you had best bundle up.  I was 7 minutes late for our first rendezvous.  She gave me shit about this, but in a really cute playful way.  Being prompt is one of those things I constantly try to work on.  It’s about respecting other people’s time and I totally get it.  After teasing me for a bit, she was able to let this go.

When I saw her, she conjured up images of Milla Jovovich.  Under normal circumstances, I would never tell a beautiful woman that I was thinking this.  I wouldn’t want her to think that I just coveted her for her looks.  Her reply was that they were from the same town and that all the girls looked like her.  I was taken aback by her modesty. She preferred to be valued for who she was as a person rather than for her physical exterior.  X would always say that any man that was with a woman solely for her looks was simply a fool. The fact that she was so self aware to this, made her wise beyond her years.

In a world of superficiality, this was a rare quality to find.  She had multiple degrees and had a great job, despite only living in the U.S. for 10 plus years.  X had overcome many hardships and had built a great life.  She impressed me more and more at each passing moment.  I could tell she had her guard up, but I just took that as part of the Eastern European mentality.

After a few drinks in the lounge we decided to go to another more intimate bar.  As we hit the street, fireworks seemed to go off for both of us.  She told me she didn’t know what was happening to her. It seemed almost like a movie.

I really was falling for this girl on the very first date.  This was a rare occurrence.  After several more hours and of talking, kissing, and holding hands; I walked her home.  Once outside her building, I told her I really had to pee.  Against her better judgment she let me come upstairs. 

After using her bathroom, we made out for what seemed like several more hours.  I walked home with a huge smile on my face.  I decided then and there that I didn’t want to see anyone else.

Everyday our relationship seemed to become more serious.  I think we both know that we are two very intense people.  This would cause some push pull to our union.  She wanted to speed things up while I would try to slow it down a bit. I worried that it might flame out too fast.

She eventually read my blogs and took me up on some reading suggestions.   Although I think X enjoyed the books and my writing, she told me they gave her anxiety.  There seemed to be a trust issue.  Even though there was no title on our relationship, I would constantly reassure her that she was the only girl I was dating.

When we were together things were fantastic. Her face would always light up the first few minutes we’d see each other.  It was just that when we were apart, misunderstandings would occur. She would tell me all the time that she couldn’t remember my face. Because I’m a bit of a workaholic, I believe X never felt sure of whether I wanted to spend time with her or not. 

X enjoyed the simple things in life.  The facial expressions that would cross her face and the sounds that would exit her mouth when she was eating something she really enjoyed were priceless.  I would pay just to watch her eat. .

The Middle

I had stopped blogging because I knew that my writing bothered her.  However, she did encourage me to work on my novel.  Maybe because she knew she’d never read it.

We had resisted friending each other on Facebook so we could keep our life together our own personal business and the cyberworld separate.  Eventually we succumbed. I’m not sure if this gave her anxiety either, but I believe it did.

Maybe the writing was on the wall when she asked me one day if I ever thought about making love to someone, might be the very last time.

The End

The ending is primarily my fault.  Instead of being a man, I acted like a baby.  I was trying to spend more time with X and asked (texted) her what she was doing for New Years Eve. She told me that she was planning on having a little house party for her friends. She replied that she figured that I had some big ball to go to and that since her apartment made me sick (I think there are some toxins and/or mold in her unit) that she figured she wouldn’t be seeing me.

I was disappointed and told her that I wanted to invite her to a big gala for 2011.  Her reply was that she guessed that I’d have to kiss one of my guy friends for New Years. This made me angry even though I now realize she was trying to be funny. 

I didn’t respond. The next day she texted me to wish me a good morning. I ignored the text and was planned to call her that evening. 

I was pretty upset about this entire situation which I admittedly had blown out of proportion.  Instead of confronting the issue, I went out drinking with some friends that night. 

When I got home, I logged onto Facebook and saw that she had deleted me.  My feelings were hurt because I took this as a FUCK YOU for not responding to her text. I let my feelings simmer down for the next day and decided to call her the following night.  When she didn’t pick up, I shot her a text message.  Needless to say, there was radio silence on her end.

I decided to send her an email and told her how I felt about the situation and apologized for being immature in my reaction.  Having thought about it though, I asked her if she thought it was possible that I could have had an accident or been in the hospital? How could she have just cut me off.  Her response was smart and succinct.  She thought something might have happened to me and that this had caused her physical and mental pain.

Basically we broke up with each other through email over silly relationship tension.

Conclusion

I think at the end of the day this comes down to us possibly not being compatible with each other.  It still confuses me as I did and still care very much for her. We We’re both very passionate people.  We just both work at a different pace.

It would be wonderful if the two of us could be friends, but I think she’s one of those women, that once she’s done; she’s done.  Maybe that’s what we needed.  To build a friendship and then a relationship?  Not such a horrible thought.

Every person you date or have a relationship with is a new growing experience.  You learn what you are looking for and what you’re not looking for in a long term partner.  What I’ve gathered out of this is that she could have been one of the great loves of my life. However, in the end I have to be true to myself and need someone who can accept me for me and vice versa.

I don’t think that this was a horrible breakup. I’m truly saddened that it didn’t work out.  Hopefully, she’s doing on ok on her end and will bounce back right away.

I’ll be writing more as I re-enter the dating force.  I should have some more interesting articles to write in the future.

Let me go on the record by stating that I fucking hate…yes…I fucking hate self affirmations and quoting famous people to help you get through the day.

Facebook, Twitter, and the internet are filled with people quoting famous personalities. Or you find people giving themselves self affirmations in hopes of making them feel better about their own existence.  Here’s one I’ll never figure out.

“Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”

Do you know who originally said this?

Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens) of course.  I’ll admit that I wish I was half the writer that this man was.  However, I’ve got an even better one.

“Dance like you’re dancing on the pole and you have 3 hungry mouths to feed; love like you’re the Mother Theresa and you’re striving to give the world a big group hug.  Sing like you’re a drunk alcoholic on a random Tuesday night at your local karaoke joint.  Live like the King, and by that I mean Elvis, not the Burger King.”  – RBP 2010

Yes, I know I am quite ridiculous.  I guess whatever gets you through the day.  If you have to constantly look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re lovable and capable, then by all means do it.  I just question why anyone would have to announce this on their Facebook page.

Every time, I announce that I’m quitting cigarettes, I fail miserably.  So fuck it, no more announcements.  I’d prefer to say that I go into semi-retirements.

Maybe this is the blog of the rambling fucks, I don’t know.

Maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “RBP, get to the point of this asinine blog.”

THE POINT

Here it is.  You see, yesterday while in yoga class my instructor said something that really resonated in my mind.  He said, “You know, they say that showing up is half the battle to having success in life.”

By this I believe he was referring to the fact that if you show up for yoga class on a regular basis, you’ll be able to become pretty competent in your practice.  The reason most people quit things in life is not because they can’t do it, but because they’re afraid of looking stupid or failing at the task in hand.

MY EPIPHANY

While walking home listening to Tony Robins on my ipod (I kid I kid) I started thinking about what my yogi said.

EXAMPLES OF SUCCESS and HOW TO ACHIEVE IT

Think about it.  If you want to complete college, you apply, you get accepted (believe me, no matter what challenges you face, some college will accept you), maybe you have to get financial aid, you apply for financial aid if that’s the case, you sign up for classes, you go to class, you take your exams, write your papers, and eventually you will complete the required number of credits and you graduate.

You want to buy a car or house? Save up enough money for the down payment or pay in full.  Now you own it.

You want to find a girlfriend? Approach 1000 women, someone will want to be your girlfriend.

GRABBING THE SUCCESS BALLS – and Bragging About It

Now in life, I’ve set out to accomplish many things. Some things I’ve been more successful at, than in others, but it really came down to showing up.

I wanted to become a great football player.  I went to practice everyday.  I ate right.  I got the proper amount of sleep.  I spent countless hours in the weight room.  I studied my playbook for hours at a time. Basically, I outworked everyone that crossed my path and eventually I got to play a little in college.  Talent can only take you so far, but I got there.

I wanted to make a million dollars.  I worked my ass off, sometimes 100 plus hour week.  Once I achieved my goal, I figured out that money seriously didn’t make me happy, but I did it.

I wanted to be an actor.  I moved to L.A. and signed up for acting classes.  I got extra work.  I procured an agent.  I even had a line on a tv show that dubbed me out.  I went on tons of auditions and figured out I didn’t like the rejection.

I wanted to be a pickup artist.  I went out every night and talked to a zillion different I had some serious success (which I won’t define here and now).  At the end of the day though, this didn’t make me feel good about myself.

I could probably give over a hundred different examples from my life about how I’ve achieved some sort of success in one form or another.  However, the point I’m trying to get across is that I showed up.  I just ploughed through things until I achieved whatever it was that I was seeking. Eventually I reached most of my goals.

You can too.